May 16, 2004 – Stew
Posted by mcolver on March 28, 2009
Okay, I need to write something, but I’m not sure of what in which to write about. I had an attack of the suicidal ideations today, but that’s not very noteworthy. It came upon forcefully, but not too suddenly – like a large wave you see out in the distance when sitting on the beach.
I wasn’t too terribly worried about it, but for an instant I had an uncontrollable desire to spray my mouth full of Febreze. And I’m pretty sure that’s not an acceptable mouth spray. It probably wouldn’t even have killed me either, it would have just made me more sick than I already am.
I get like that I’ve noticed. It seems like the suicidal attacks come when I’m not feeling particularly well. And it’s not like I can’t tolerate the pain and agony of being sick – I’ve been through worse, but it’s kinda like, I might as well croak myself when I’m sick.
A few weeks ago, after Monique and I had seen Starsky & Hutch I had the worst headache I’ve had in a long time. There are three headaches I remember having in life as being the worst ever and this one goes in the top three. One was when I was at Faith Christian, in gym class, so it must have been eighth grade or so. We were sitting around the gym, not doing much of anything, and I remember complaining, “I’ve got a headache so bad that it would kill a pig.” Like headaches kill pigs or something. It was a doozy. But I think that one was mainly sinuses.
The worst headache ever was when I was 20 something. Phil K had invited me to go with him to the racquet club. We played some racquetball and did some weightlifting, and then he told me that one of the things he did while he visited Norway was to take a sauna and then jump into a cold swimming pool. I thought, “What the hey.”
I had never been in a sauna before, and those things are hot and steamy. I lost track of how long I was in there, but it was too long. Sweat was drizzling off my palms. Sweat glands I never knew I had were opening up and gushing sweat. But it actually felt pretty good.
And then I jumped into the ice cold pool. And it felt invigorating. But I was starting to get a headache.
I cleaned up, and bid Phil adieu. And went on home, feeling a little queasy and with a significant headache starting to develop.
I got home, talked to Mom and Dad, and then went off to bed… with quite a monstrous pain in my eyes.
I got up and kind of stumbled into the kitchen and got about four Tylenol. I stumbled back to bed and laid there in absolute misery. It wasn’t long before I was praying for death. I probably would have found a way to end it myself if I could open my eyes long enough to find something to end it with, but the slightest bit of light in my eyes made my stomach flip.
And then it happened.
My stomach flipped… and then flopped.
I barely made it to the bathroom in time before I started retching up dinner. I don’t remember what it was, but it didn’t look very good at this stage. And then I heaved up lunch, and then breakfast.
And I couldn’t stop. Contents that should have been digested by my system weeks ago were coming up. It was the absolute worst case of vomiting I had ever experienced. And each convulsion caused my head to splinter even more.
Finally, after about 7 or 8 full body ralphs, my sanity began to return to me. My stomach felt much better, and even my head pain was starting to be alleviated. I went back to bed and was able to sleep rather peacefully.
Fortunately I haven’t had to go through that again. On the headache scale that was a 10. The Starsky and Hutch headache was about an 8.
I attribute the Starsky and Hutch headache to the Starsky and Hutch movie. But that’s because I’m a critic.
